WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP

DAYSTAR ANSWERS A MAJOR QUESTION BOTHERING LADIES IN GODLY RELATIONSHIPS

Honest & Open Conversations With Pst. 𝒟𝒶𝓎𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓇 𝒥𝒞𝐻𝑀

During one of those interesting panel conversations, an eye-opening and heart-stirring session as one panelist described it, thoughtful and practical questions were directed at Daystar on the discussion theme "WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP". 

Here, Pastor took the opportunity to narrow in on the balance between submission and respect from a woman and a man, respectively. And how this signals one's readiness for commitment — stating that the first step towards anything relationship : is "being honest with yourself", and not following the crowd into one of life's most important decisions, thus, the choice of love and romantic commitment.

On the note of honesty, he sited an instance from a legend where an elephant and a mice were to cross a bridge. The mice couldn't proceed because it would fall through the slippery crevices, so it climbed the elephant instead for support and journey. And through the discomfort and shaky procession, the elephant steadily made its way across the swinging bridge to the other side. Upon arrival, the mice descended to the ear of the elephant, whispering "we really shook the place" — brooding on this piece, the use of the pronoun "we" was not honest, here the mice wasn't honest to itself as to who really shook the place for the safe passage.

Giving credit to itself for what the elephant did alone was complete dishonesty to self. This right here gives us insight into how people tag along the strength of others in relationships, without bringing anything to the table. They bring absolute weakness expecting strength from their partner. Though this may go on for a while without any significant discomfort from the other person giving his-or-her-all. After sometime, the burden will become evident because one party was not honest with him-or-herself, to begin with — Meet people halfway through, come with a good attitude and something worthy to complement the other, as a lady, don't ever appear before your head (lord, husband) empty handed, without good character and a meek spirit. 

In Exodus 23:15 and 34:20, the Lord spoke to the nation Isreal, whom He considered His young and youthful wife (Bride), stating “... and none shall appear before me empty” — a woman who joins a union with nothing would not be prized or valued by the man, so never appear before your man empty handed, be like the industrious woman of Proverbs 31, 

     — Now, why is this subject of relationship and marriage so important to us : it's simple, prior to Genesis 2:18, everything God restored, He saw and said it was good, but the only time He said "it is not good" was when He said “it is not good for a man to be alone (by himself), I'll make him a helper (help meet, or a suitable help and partner)". 

One thing I learnt about relation-ships and mutual friendships is this : they relate to how we board a ship — a relation happens on one common platform, thus, a ship — interestingly, nobody boards a ship in front of their doorstep by the street. Parties involved have to make the effort to meet themselves halfway at shore, a common location and point of convergence and honest agreement. Until you're honest about your readiness to invest effort in a relationship, you'll frustrate the other person involved because the load will topple everything into a slow-and-uninterested-paced-shambles. Be honest with yourself if you'd be willing to selflessly meet the other halfway under any circumstance. Until you can be honest with yourself, you'd only frustrate the effort of your spouse and beloved. 

Daystar continued “If I must be HONEST with why I'm still not in a relationship, this is it”, 

      — “A woman is a helper, a revealer of the heart. So I need time to beautify (adorn) my heart (spirit) before she comes to reveal it to the world. I want to be exposed as a man of peace, selflessness, provision and love : accentuating Proverbs 31:23, which says “Her husband (𝒟𝒶𝓎𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓇 𝒥𝒞𝐻𝑀) is well-known in the gates (REVEALED in public), When he sits among the leaders of the land”.

He continued “I need to be mature (grow properly), and firmly rooted in the character of God's word, particularly receiving God's love, then I can be in love with someone else not holding back. The details of my purpose is has to get clearer for a vivid showcase to the world I was called to influence. I would explain this deeper from the Hebrew text, and you would understand my take perfectly”. 

Truly, if you checkmark these boxes with honest masterstrokes, you can then proceed into one, knowing the next thing is marriage. If not, spare yourself the afflictions that come with unnecessary temptations and fruitless endurance : engaging the right thing at the wrong time. And this can scar you with emotional keloids (baggage) before the actual performance steps in, where you might not be in the right space to engage positively, innocently and truthfully — all because you would have carried in the luggage of wrong and hurtful experiences for subtle retribution and narcissism.

Mental maturity is key to taking responsibility in any kind of relationship — indeed, the mind influences our relationships in a holistic way. 

Now let's take a test of self reflection on how firm you're standing mentally before you even consider bringing someone on board that ship. 

      — Are you already struggling with forgiveness, honestly, truthfulness, character and attitude? Are you struggling with hurt, blame cycles and arguments in your current relationship? And do you honestly seek a way out of this rot and maze? 

Honestly is the first step to healing. So if you're still mindful that he hurt you, if this is how you think, then you'll have the opportunity to return (repeat) that cancer of ammunition for retribution and revenge in every relationship you get into. Hebrews 11:15 reminds us, “And truly if they were MINDFUL of that country from which they had come out, they would have had opportunity to RETURN (REPEAT AN ERROR ON THEIR JOURNEY).”. 

My dear, you need to shut your mind, far away from thoughts that seek to cage you in dismay, and if you ever want to succeed in a relationship, thoughts that do you no good but cause harm is a threat to a stable home (fruitful garden) — again, being honest with yourself is the primal way to ascertain readiness for a relationship, 

     — and once your mind is made up with God's words of instruction, preparation and guidance, then according to the scripture above, you'll no longer have the opportunity (doorway) to be interested in returning repayment of wrongs and retribution, that would only destroy a good relation and create punctures to sink a titanic of noble love. 

Always remember, that your mind as a door, creates opportunities for things to return (repeat), and then to the cycle continues from you jumping from one good relationship to the other, thinking others are the problem, whereas you are rather the force of confusion in context. So be strong with God's word mentally, this is true honesty. And like I stated early on, every relationship is centered on how each person boards the ship of relation with trust, honesty and love — and remember not to come with nothing. Coming with yourself isn't enough, nor is it biblical like I showed you, rather, come with a compliment (an encouraging presence of value) to complement the other. 

Relations happens on one common platform, thus, in this case a ship — interestingly, nobody boards a ship in front of their convenient doorstep by the street. Parties involved have to make the effort to meet themselves halfway at shore, a common location and point of convergence. This is so important to understand, that you always have to meet people halfway for relationships to work. And this is how you navigate yourself away from iceburgs that sink titanics of sincere love. 

My counsel to you is this, to not carry that weight alone, carry it halfway and let others in on that ship, that person who matters. This is why you must encourage the thought of marriage in your thinking even if you're not ready yet : it is not good for man to board this ship alone, indeed, two are better than one, as the book of Ecclesiastes says — and even if your relation delayed to the shore, welcome him or her with encouragements, yes you can wait a little bit more without complaining, yes you can wait without hurting yourself mentally with assumptions?. Listen, your mind is the call away to opportunity centres, so hang up if you don't want unpleasant changes around you. Navigate your mind to dwell on love, and be open for it when the time comes. 

Now, let us delve into the questions I received during the session addressing “THE TWO MAJOR ISSUES BOTHERING LADIES IN GODLY RELATIONSHIPS”. 

Question Profile To Pst. 𝒟𝒶𝓎𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓇 𝒥𝒞𝐻𝑀

Why should a woman submit to her man ? 

Is it because she's incapable and powerless ? 

And should a woman submit because she's less than the man ? 

         𝒟𝒶𝓎𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓇 responds : 

Absolutely not, she isn't less capable nor powerless in her submission to her man. 

First and foremost, a woman's submission is to her man, not to any other man. This right here is what the Bible teaches in 1 Peter 3:1–2, here the Apostle who had gained experience from his successful marriage counsels, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to YOUR OWN HUSBANDS ; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.”. 

Submission for a woman, is where love flows unhindered. This is why it is right for a woman to get married, because it grants her the opportunity to be loved intimately throughout her lifetime, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for her. A woman reveals the heart of her man, this is what is meant by "Help meet", meaning a suitable mirror that brings the treasure boat of her man to shore, revealing treasures of wisdom and potential. 

The thought that submission is a cheat to a woman, or an emblem of weakness is rather fraudulent in my opinion — and if scriptures mean anything, it is clear that SUBMISSION is needful because the woman (Bride) is as powerful as the CHURCH (the Bride of Christ) which Jesus trusted and left here to tend the earth (the home of souls) : (revealing the man Christ Jesus' heart. Rf. Hebrew meaning of helpmate), especially when He's out by the agency of the Holy Spirit on the field BUILDING (progressing and providing) as a proof of His LOVE for His Bride. Remember, love BUILDS.

Without submission, a woman will destroy herself and mis-re-present her man. Like the Holy Spirit (the helper of the church), she's not to speak of herself to the man, but what she hears from the Lord, that's what she's to say to the man because she's there to reveal his heart (potentials and calling). This is why should must be rooted in the word as the treasure with which she comes into the union — she's that powerful, and therefore requires submission to function properly and profitably in her calling. A woman who seeks to operate akin to her husband will only create a competition because respect will inevitably be compromised and rationed : and a man by nature is wired to defeat competition as a head, but that same man would love (build his home, and not go against it) when respect flourishes through his bride. 

Always remember this as a woman, that : SUBMISSION WILL SERVE AS A REMINDER THAT YOU'RE NOT THE MAN, THAT WAY, YOU WOULDN'T MALFUNCTION IN YOUR CALLING, THINKING FOR THE HEAD — SUBMISSION (REMINDER THAT THE WOMAN ISN'T THE HEAD) and LOVE (BUILDING POWER FROM THE MAN) creates a mutual honor system where love and respect work synergistically.   

The bible encourages the bride to hold fast to the head, her man. Truly, a woman SUBMITS as an expression of respect and trust, “unto the Lord.” — on the other hand, a man LOVES sacrificially, as Christ loved the Church, giving himself for her.

Ephesians 5:22–25 recounts, 

      “Wives, submit yourselves unto YOUR OWN HUSBANDS, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing ... as Christ loved the Church, giving himself for her” 

As a revealer (mirror) of the man's heart, the spouse often becomes the one through whom God refines the heart. Proverbs 27:19, “As in water face reflects face, so a man’s heart (partner) reveals the man”. In marriage, your partner often knows the true you more than anyone else, particularly your potentials and capabilities — this is by divine design and assignment. 

Proverbs 19:14 tells us “House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD”. Here you're not searching for the woman like in Proverbs 18:22, “Whosoever finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD”, there's a better way to find a wife, and here, the Lord (as a father through the help of the Holy Spirit) brings her to you. Wow! 

    — just as Father Abraham in Genesis 24, sent out his trusted steward Eliezer (whose Damascene name meant helper, the same rendering for the Holy Spirit) to find a wife suitable for a serviceable man Isaac, so should we depend on the Holy Spirit to bring the right person our way, depending on our desires which draws us closer to a good mirror of the heart — so listen to wise counsel, only a helper can identify and find another helper suitable for you. Remember this, and commit your choices to the Holy Spirit, the Eliezer of our generation sent by our Heavenly Father. 

As a man, the right place to be in get a wife as a new creature is at the place of service and ministry to the Lord. Going outside the body of Christ for a beloved is the worse harm you can cause to yourself. Remember what the gentile bride did to Christ the groom, the rejection he faced, it would not be different for you if you forsake this wisdom for an infidel (unbeliever). 

The place of service is the Bible way for romantic choosing. Isaac was in the field meditating in prayer (Genesis 24:63, AMPC) when his wife was brought to him. Likewise Hosea 12:12, WEB states “Jacob fled into the country of Aram. (there) Israel (the man Jacob) served to get a wife (as a proof of his love). For a wife he tended (served the) flocks and herds” — In service to the Lord, which is the right place to be, the perfect person (partner) comes to complement your assignment by the agency of the Holy Spirit. 

The add-on question, “Should a woman submit because she's less than the man ?” affirms a resounding no. 

Here's why, 

 Genesis 2:18, KJV recounts “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an HELP meet for him.” — to answer this question precisely, “HELP”, עֵזֶר (ʿēzer) in the Hebrew means help, assistance, support. Interestingly, THE TERM DOESN'T REVEAL A LESSER ROLE. 

In Scripture, ʿēzer is used of God Himself as a helper to Israel (Psalm 33:20, Deuteronomy 33:7). This implies a strong, saving, and life-giving support — The role of a woman is akin to the role of God the Spirit in helping His people. 

The phrase “MEET FOR HIM”, כְּנֶגְדּוֹ (kenegdo), literally means “as opposite to him” or “corresponding to him.” — the root word Neged means “in front of, before, opposite, facing.”. The image is of standing face-to-face — seeing into the other person's value and worth, not behind them or beneath them. This is why you should hurry to joyfully submit as a woman because this positioning implies power, mutual reflection, like a mirror that shows what’s really there. 

When God said ʿēzer kenegdo, He wasn’t just talking about someone to help with work, an assignment and call — and this right here subjectively answers the theme of discussion “WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP” — He meant a woman from the Lord is a strong, life-giving companion who stands face-to-face, corresponding to you, complementing you, reflecting you, inspiring and drawing out the treasures of brilliant success welled up within you, using her bucket of respect. Wow! 

Regards, 

𝒟𝒶𝓎𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓇 𝒥𝒞𝐻𝑀.